A SEAL’s Desire Read online

  “I don’t want her to play along, and I don’t want her to lose her job,” Greg told him. “I don’t know what game you’re playing—”

  “The same game I’ve always been playing. The one that makes this show so damn watchable to our national audience. They’ve seen Renata grilling you people. They know who she is. Now that the table is turned on her, they won’t be able to take their eyes off the show. And what you want doesn’t signify,” he reminded Greg. “You signed a contract. This is out of your hands now.” Fulsom kept going, leaving him with a mouthful of unspoken protests.

  A sound reminded him there were others in the room, and one of them had just given birth.

  Greg turned back to Savannah. “Sorry about all that. I’ll let the next people in. You’ve got a beautiful baby there.”

  Savannah smiled. Jericho walked him to the door.

  “Renata? Are you sure?” he asked again.

  “Doesn’t matter, does it? She’ll never want me now,” Greg said.

  It was hard to believe it was only ten o’clock when Greg finally got back to Base Camp, late for getting started on his chores but far too early considering how long he’d been awake. It was going to be a long day, he decided as he made the rounds of the solar panels, wind turbines and other power installations, checking all was well. He was approaching the barn when he ran into Walker and his grandmother, Sue Norton.

  “Morning.” He touched the brim of his hat and nodded at Sue. It was easy to see where Walker had gotten his impassive personality. As many times as Greg had spoken to Sue, who came to consult with Nora each week on the curriculum they were developing for the local schools, he never felt like he got to know her any better.

  “Morning,” Sue said. She was older than Greg’s grandmother, but only a few silver strands lined her straight, dark hair.

  “Here to see Nora?” Greg asked as the sun slid out from between the clouds and then disappeared again.

  “Here to talk to my grandson.”

  “I won’t hold you up.”

  Walker seemed about to say something but shook his head instead. “I’ll find you later.” He walked on with his grandmother, leaving Greg to wonder what that had been about. Trouble, he figured. As if they needed any more of that.

  He tramped back up the snowy path to the bunkhouse, ready for the late breakfast Kai had promised to rustle up for them. Renata, who’d hung back at the hospital to confer with Fulsom, was just walking over from where she’d parked one of the crew’s big black SUVs.

  She didn’t look any happier than when he’d last seen her. Greg braced himself for another confrontation. “Hey. You all right?”

  She stopped in her tracks. Considered him. “Do you always mess things up this badly?”

  “No.” He wasn’t the type to screw up a mission, if that’s what she meant. He’d served with honor, and he’d put in nearly eight months of hard work here. He could be depended on, and he was proud of that fact. “You moving in?” he asked, spotting the heavy-looking bag she carried. Looked like she’d failed to change Fulsom’s mind. If the billionaire had ordered her to move to Base Camp from the motel where the crew stayed in town, that meant she would be on the show.

  “Not for long. I’ll find you a replacement bride in a day or two, don’t worry—”

  “I don’t want a replacement.” Greg moved closer. “If I did, I’d get one myself.”

  “You can’t have me.”

  That was direct. Greg searched for a way to salvage this conversation. “Why not?” was all he managed.

  “Because…” She cast about. “Because you don’t know anything about me!”

  “I know a hell of a lot more than you think I do.” It was true. Not only did Renata not seem to remember the hellish night they’d spent together in Peru, she had no idea how aware he was of all her movements around Base Camp.

  She gathered herself together and marched onward with an audible, “Hmph.” Greg followed her, but she ignored him, and once inside the bunkhouse, Avery came to meet her, spoiling his chance for further conversation.

  “Come store your belongings over here.” Avery led Renata to a set of shelves built along the far wall of the room, leaving Greg by the door, uncertain whether to stay and wait for breakfast to be served or get far, far away from here before he made things worse.

  Angus came in behind him, and Greg shifted so the man could get his jacket off and hang it up.

  “Heard you’re marrying Renata,” he said as he came to stand beside Greg. Both of them watched Avery chat animatedly to the director, while Renata simply nodded once in a while.

  “Don’t think she plans to have me,” Greg said. “And it’s all Clem’s fault. His and Fulsom’s. Always interfering—”

  “At least your woman’s in the same state as you,” Angus said glumly. “Don’t know what the hell I’m going to do when it’s my time.”

  It hadn’t occurred to Greg before that his own wedding wasn’t going to be the last of his problems. If by some miracle he managed to convince Renata to marry him—or Fulsom forced her to—there was still Angus and Walker to go. Walker had some mystery arrangement with another woman he had to clear up before he was free to pursue Avery. Not that Avery seemed to need a lot of pursuing. Her feelings for Walker had been clear almost from the start. And Angus—

  Well, Win Lisle had already broken his heart. She’d spent several months at Base Camp early on before disappearing one morning after her mother sent her an ultimatum—return home to her family in California until the show ended or give up her substantial inheritance.

  Greg clapped him on the back consolingly but had no wisdom to offer his friend.

  Or himself.

  “Come on, it’s fun to ride in a sleigh,” Avery said later that afternoon as Renata stared at their neighbor, James Russell, perched in the front seat, the better to control the horses that were pulling the old-fashioned contraption. “What better way to get to the Reed place so Alice can fix you up with some proper clothes? I called the Russells and Alice this morning. I figured you’d need to escape for a while, and you know James is always dying to get his horses out and drive someone around, and Alice already had a hunch we were coming. She said to tell you she has four gowns ready to alter for you.”

  “I don’t want to wear a Regency gown!” Renata lied. The women of Base Camp had started the tradition of wearing Jane Austen–era clothing when they’d first arrived—before they’d known Boone and his friends had bought the place out from under them or that Fulsom was planning to film them all. Wearing the gowns was supposed to remind them of the path they’d chosen: to eschew their modern, busy lives for slower ones that allowed them to pursue creative endeavors.

  Look at where that has gotten them, Renata thought wryly. No one took you seriously when you dressed like that—

  “Fulsom said to tell you if you want your money, you need to follow orders.” Clem’s grating voice announced his arrival behind her. Renata moved forward automatically in her desire to avoid him, but the only way out of here was up into the sleigh.

  “Fulsom’s gone,” she told him.

  “I’m supposed to call the minute you start acting up.”

  Had the billionaire actually used that phrase? she wondered. Acting up?

  “Lovely day for a ride!” James called out. Renata swore the man would be cheerful at the end of the world as long as there were horses present. The Russells had attached themselves to the inhabitants of Base Camp almost from the start. The wealthy older couple were devotees of the Regency period themselves and spent much of the year traveling to reenactments. In between they thought of every reason they could to entertain the members of Base Camp at their large, lovely home.

  “Fine,” Renata growled. She wouldn’t admit to James, or Avery—or Clem—that secretly she loved traveling in the sleighs and carriages. As director she didn’t get much chance to savor these rides. Usually she was crammed into a corner with a cameraman who was trying to capture the acti
on for the show.

  She allowed Walker to hand her up. He’d been standing with his grandmother by her car when James directed his horses down their lane. Walker’s grandmother had nodded to them before driving off, and Walker had joined the group around the horses and sleigh.

  He handed Avery up next.

  “What’s wrong?” Avery asked, peering into his face. Renata wondered how she knew anything was wrong. Walker looked as impassive as ever. Those two spent a lot of time together, though, so if anyone could interpret his moods, Avery was the one to do it.

  “Missing something.” Walker didn’t elaborate. Renata didn’t know how to interpret the look that flashed over Avery’s face, but she had her suspicions. She’d never pointed it out to anyone else, but she was sure she wasn’t the only crew member who’d caught Avery in places she didn’t belong.

  “Hope you find it soon.”

  Walker stepped back, and Clem and a cameraman climbed into the sleigh. “Shove over,” Clem said to Renata. She didn’t budge—and paid for it when Clem sat on one side of her and William, an older cameraman, plunked down on the other side on the bench seat. Avery, getting into the front seat with James, bit back a smile.

  James got the horses going, and soon they left Base Camp behind. The sleigh took a circuitous back route since the main road wouldn’t be snowy enough. Unlike the jouncing carriage rides, the sleigh glided smoothly over the snow, and despite being squashed between two men, Renata’s heart lifted a little. Traveling like this was magical, and she wanted to remember the sensation in the future when she left Base Camp—and Greg—behind.

  Renata ignored the pang that thought elicited. Despite herself, she’d grown kind of attached to this place. And to Greg. Just a little, but still—

  Okay, more than a little.

  “Looking forward to your wedding night?” Clem leered at her. Avery looked back at them.

  “Leave Renata alone.”

  “Not likely. This one’s the star of the show for the next thirty-eight days, right darling?” He nudged Renata. She elbowed him back. William tried to film it all, leaning forward and twisting awkwardly to get them in his frame.

  “I guess since you’ll never have a wedding night, you have to feed off other people’s dreams,” Renata said.

  Clem’s brow furrowed. “What’s that supposed to mean? I could marry any time I want to! I just don’t want to.”

  “Prove it.”

  “I don’t have to prove anything to you. You’re the one who’s going to ruin Base Camp. Thirty-eight days from now that bulldozer will be trundling on in. You’re not going to marry Greg, and he’s not going to marry anyone else.”

  Renata met Avery’s disconcerted gaze. Did she look just as flummoxed? Did Clem know something she didn’t?

  “He’ll marry someone else,” she said.

  Clem just chuckled.

  After that it was hard to enjoy the ride, and Renata was relieved when they pulled into the drive at Two Willows and parked behind the old white farmhouse. Alice Reed, a lovely woman with long, light-brown hair, met them with a welcoming smile at the back door and led them across to the carriage house in which her studio was situated on the second floor.

  It was a big open space with tall windows that would have let in the sun on a brighter day. Overhead lights made up for the gloom outside, however, and Renata was as struck as she’d ever been by the hundreds of period costumes hanging on racks around the room, the large tables in the center. This was the studio of an expert seamstress.

  Alice surprised Renata with a hug. “So glad you’re here. Look at you.” She held both of Renata’s hands out and looked her up and down. “You’ll make a beautiful bride.”

  “I’m not going to be a bride.” Renata felt like she’d said it a million times already today.

  Alice bit her lip but couldn’t hold back a smile. “Of course you’re not,” she said in the placating tone one usually reserved for children. She was an awful liar, which somehow made it all worse.

  “Alice has hunches,” Avery reminded her. “If she says you’ll be a beautiful bride, then you’ll be a beautiful bride. Relax and let Greg woo you.”

  “I don’t want him to woo me!” Not exactly true, but given the circumstances a relationship between her and the handsome man wasn’t in the cards. She had girls to get through school and a job to win back if she wanted any kind of future in the film industry.

  “You have to.” Avery lowered her voice to a stage whisper and pointed dramatically at Clem. “You don’t want him to win, do you? He can’t wait to bring in that developer and destroy everything we’ve built.”

  “Of course I don’t.” Renata didn’t like talking about it with Clem listening, but she wasn’t going to let that happen, for her own sake as well as everyone else’s. She needed Base Camp to end on a good note if she wanted this directing credit to mean something. How on earth was she supposed to spin the fact that she’d been forced to stop directing and start participating on this show? She needed to get Clem out of here and take control again, or she was going to struggle to get work when it was all over.

  Just thinking about trying to break into directing a major film made Renata tense. She knew she should be reaching out and developing more contacts, but she hadn’t been able to convince herself to do so for months. She found herself dreaming of a different life these days. A slower one that included a home of her own, time for good friends, sunsets, meals and lazy Sundays.

  Had she ever had a lazy Sunday since her teenage years?

  She didn’t think so.

  Those were dreams for someone else. She had ambitions. If Fulsom—and Base Camp—had worn her out, surely that would change when she’d finished the television show, discharged her promise to the girls of the San Pedro School of Excellence, and was free to choose what to do next. Maybe she’d take a vacation for a week or two before storming Hollywood. Refill the creative well.

  Maybe she’d take a month.

  “If you follow your heart, you’ll be fine,” Alice assured her, leading her to a little changing room at the back of the studio where several gowns hung. Clem and the cameraman followed.

  Her heart? It hadn’t done a very good job of keeping her out of trouble so far. It was her heart that had gotten her into the predicament of paying for her girls’ schooling.

  Still… Renata had to admit she wouldn’t do anything different if she had to do it all over again. The girls were wonderful young women, and she’d have given anything to keep them together with Mayra and Gabriela so they could have a stable, loving home as they grew up.

  The real problem was she wasn’t part of that loving home. At first, Renata had been able to pretend she was. She’d talked and texted with the girls as much as she was able. Had flown down to visit. Tried to keep up with their hobbies and hopes. As time passed, however, work took over her life. Fulsom was a demanding boss, and she’d never found another job that paid enough to cover the girls’ costs.

  Without that constant contact, her relationship with them faltered. She’d be forever proud of them. She’d forever love them and wish them well, and she was sure they would remember her fondly, too. None of them had seen her in years, though. The oldest ones were already busy with careers and families. To the younger ones she was simply a far-away benefactor to whom they owed respect and gratitude. Nothing more, nothing less.

  Renata was proud to be their helper and friend, but she still longed for a real family.

  Maybe she’d never have one.

  She shook the maudlin thoughts from her mind. What she needed now wasn’t more attachments—it was independence. The freedom to chase her dream job for all she was worth. She had no idea why the idea didn’t excite her the way it used to. Was she getting old? Worn out chasing a bunch of men and women around this sustainable community, trying to film them when they didn’t want to be filmed?

  Now it was her turn to see what that felt like, she thought with distaste. “Get that camera away from me,”
she said, stepping into the changing room.

  “Spoilsport,” Clem said.

  “Let me show you something you’ll want to get on film,” Alice told him. Renata was grateful when she heard their voices moving away.

  “I’m guarding the door,” Avery said through the curtain. “Clem’s a pervert. I won’t let him get any footage of you.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Can’t wait to see what Alice has picked out for you. Do you need any help?”

  “I’ve got it.”

  In the end, however, she did need Avery’s help to get the old-fashioned undergarments on correctly. She’d seen the women help each other dress plenty of times, and now she understood. It wasn’t that she couldn’t do it herself; it was simply much easier to have a second pair of hands, especially with her corset, which needed to be adjusted to fit her figure.

  “Oh, Renata—it’s beautiful,” Avery breathed when she had the first gown on. Renata supposed this was meant to be for fancy occasions. It looked far more elaborate than the ones the women usually wore. The wine-red fabric set off her dark hair and eyes and creamy skin. The bodice was cut very low, the better to display her décolletage.

  It was beautiful. She was beautiful. Renata felt her carefully constructed armor crack just a little bit. That was dangerous. She’d long ago learned people would exploit any weakness they could find, and Clem would be quick to pick up on any enjoyment she might get from her present circumstances. He’d ram it down her throat at every turn.

  “Let’s try on the next one.”

  “Alice needs to see this one first.” Avery didn’t wait for her answer. “Alice—come look. Does this need any alterations?”

  Alice hurried back to them, and Clem and William followed just as quickly. Clem slowed to a stop when he drew near, however, and a look crossed his face that made Renata wish she was back in the changing room. A hungry look.

  It was gone in an instant, making her wonder if she’d interpreted it right. Now he merely looked bored. “Dresses,” he said scathingly. “You women make such a fuss.”