The Soldier's E-Mail Order Bride (Heroes of Chance Creek) Page 21

  Regan stopped by to see if she and Austin wanted to eat dinner up at the Hall, but Ella told her they’d fend for themselves tonight. She’d had enough company today, and she had a feeling Austin wouldn’t be in a much better mood when he came home. “I think we’d better talk things through tonight.”

  Regan sighed. “I hope I didn’t make things worse when I gave Austin a piece of my mind. I couldn’t help myself. He’s made such a mess of everything.”

  “We made the mess together,” Ella said. “I helped, believe me.”

  “Still, I can’t believe he can’t see how right the two of you are together.”

  “Let’s just hope he does.”

  Chapter 24

  ‡

  They’d have to buy another bed.

  When night fell, Austin gathered up an extra blanket and his pillow and retreated to the new sofa Ella had picked out for their living room. It was modestly sized, which meant he had to bend his knees to fit on the thing and still his head was propped at an uncomfortable angle against one arm. It would have to do. He’d made it clear to Ella he wouldn’t sleep with her again, and he planned to stick to his guns. He’d come home from the church in a foul mood, then driven straight back out for takeout when he learned they weren’t eating with Mason and Regan at the Hall. After two or three attempts at small talk over the meal he brought back, Ella gave up trying to engage him, which he appreciated. He was in no mood to sort anything out and even less in a mood for idle chitchat. Something had to give in this situation. He just didn’t know what.

  Ella walked out of the bathroom where she’d been preparing for bed and stood watching him, her pretty blue silk robe accentuating her every curve.

  “Is this necessary?” she asked finally.

  “You know it is.”

  She sighed and moved closer. “Do you ever think about what it will be like when I leave?”

  All the time. And what he pictured wasn’t pretty. As alone as he felt right now—as hamstrung by his past mistakes—he knew it would be worse when Ella packed up and left. “Why do you ask?”

  “Because I think about it.”

  Austin wasn’t sure what to make of that. “What do you think about?”

  “How comfortable I am here. How much I like the pace of the days. How much I already love the horses.”

  “Don’t get too used to the pace. Pretty soon we’ll have cattle here.”

  “I like the people, too. Regan and Mason. Camila. The Turners.”

  “Anyone else?” Damn. He hadn’t meant to say that out loud.

  “You. When you’re not too busy feeling sorry for yourself.”

  Austin accepted the criticism. Maybe he deserved it. Besides, a prickle of interest had swept down his spine at her words. “You like me?” He remembered what Regan had told him that Ella loved him. Was that really true?

  “I do. You know I do.” She braced her hands on the back of the sofa and leaned over it. “We’re married, you know.”

  “And?”

  “We’re married.”

  Austin frowned. What was she trying to say?

  “We could… stay married.” She bit her lip.

  Austin’s stomach sunk. There was nothing he’d rather do than be with Ella. But it wasn’t right.

  “We’re having another ceremony in a couple of weeks,” she added softly. “We could make it real this time.”

  “Are you proposing to me?” His voice sounded sharp to his own ears. Overly gruff. He didn’t mean to be. He didn’t want to hurt her. In fact, he wanted to say yes more than anything in the world.

  But he couldn’t and she had to know that. Hadn’t he been perfectly clear?

  She must have read his tone as a refusal. Ella straightened. Brushed his hand away when he reached for her. “I’m sorry. Forget what I said. It was stupid.”

  “Ella. It isn’t stupid. It’s just… impossible.”

  She retreated toward the bedroom. “Goodnight. Really, Austin. Forget I said a word.”

  But as he lay back down and arranged the blanket over himself, he couldn’t think of anything else.

  * * *

  She meant no more to Austin now than the day she arrived in Chance Creek. Ella couldn’t believe she’d proposed to him. She couldn’t believe he turned her down. But after a night of tossing and turning, her cheeks flaming with embarrassment over what had happened, she pulled herself together and donned the mask of calm reserve she’d had to perfect recently.

  The rest of the week crawled by, each day more uncomfortable than the last. Gone was the easy camaraderie of the previous weeks. Gone, too, were their delightful interludes of passion. Now they spent as little time together as they could during the days. Ella made the horses her priority, doing everything she could think of to help with their care, and filled the rest of her time helping Regan with plans for the vow renewal celebration or with renovations to the Hall or bunkhouse.

  They saw neither hide nor hair of Richard—he didn’t even ride past on his bicycle. Ella wondered why Austin didn’t call Heather to check to see if he was all right, but when she suggested as much, Austin told her to mind her own business.

  After that, they stopped trying to pretend that anything was right between them, and the gloomy mood in the bunkhouse spread to the Hall as well. Ella began to avoid Regan and Mason because she didn’t want them to ask her questions she couldn’t answer. Austin spent more and more time on horseback, riding the boundaries, as he put it. Ella doubted he even saw the landscape as he rode past.

  At night she and Austin retreated to their offices and stayed there long into the night. Regan kept Ella supplied with paperbacks from the local library, and Ella read them all, hardly remembering their plots the following day. Only past midnight did they move separately to their sleeping places, being careful to keep the newly hung drapes closed so that if Heloise decided to send a spy, she’d get no proof they were sleeping apart.

  They hadn’t made love in well over a week and Ella felt the loss acutely. It wasn’t the sex she missed the most—although she missed that profoundly—it was the companionship Austin had given her. She missed working with him, playing with him, talking to him. She missed their conversations. She missed the subtle teasing—the way he’d call her into the bunkhouse to check the measurements. The way he’d surround her with his arms and pull her in close.

  Milo trailed after her as she made her rounds, feeding the chicks and checking on their health, tidying the bunkhouse, mucking out the horses’ stalls and all the other tasks she’d loaded on her plate. She had the feeling the sensitive dog knew something was wrong but didn’t know how to fix it. She didn’t know how to fix it either.

  Thank goodness she had the horses to tend to, or she was sure she’d have lost her mind. She checked each one daily, getting to know their habits and preferences, and kept each stall as clean as possible, feeding them correctly and on time. Her first time back in the saddle had sent her heart soaring, and now she rode every day.

  One morning Regan found Ella in the stables after Austin saddled up his horse and rode off again.

  “You realize Austin was supposed to drive with Mason today to Chester Acres to check out their cattle, don’t you?” Regan said. “I can’t believe he just left. That’s the third time he’s bailed on Mason.”

  “Is Mason angry?” Ella kept working. Austin’s behavior worried her too, but she hoped the others realized she had no control over it.

  “He says Austin is depressed. He says he needs counseling but he won’t go.”

  “I guess he’s still grieving for his friend,” Ella said. “He thinks he’s responsible for Donovan’s death.” She told Regan everything Austin had said to her. “I know it sounds crazy, but I think he made some kind of vow not to do anything in his life that his friend Donovan can’t do. That’s why he doesn’t want to be married or have children.” It felt good to speak aloud the fears she’d been keeping to herself. “Then when he was forced to marry me—and found out he did
have a son, after all—his wiring shorted out, you know what I mean? He found himself breaking the promise he made. And now he’s stuck. If he’s a good husband and father, then he’s betrayed Donovan, but if he keeps his promise to Donovan’s ghost, he’ll betray Richard and me. Regan—” She decided to confess it all. “I think he’s in real trouble.”

  Regan nodded. “I think so, too.” She thought a minute. “There has to be someone he’ll listen to. Mason said he was supposed to talk to Reverend Halpern, but he thinks Austin didn’t, after all.” She leaned closer. “Mason’s afraid he didn’t book Halpern for the ceremony, either.”

  Ella leaned hard against the pitchfork she was using, suddenly dizzy. Maybe Austin didn’t want her to leave in April.

  Maybe he wanted her gone now.

  Chapter 25

  ‡

  “I’ve been waiting for over an hour,” Richard announced when Austin rode back into the stable yard. Austin had been gone since before lunch so the boy was lucky he hadn’t had to wait longer.

  “Your mom know you’re here?”

  “Nah.”

  “She still doesn’t want you to see me?”

  “She won’t find out. She’s working today. I’ll be home before she is.”

  Austin dismounted and began to work at the straps of his saddle. “Lying to your mom isn’t right.”

  “After all the lies she told, I figure she can’t get too mad at me.”

  Austin caught the uncertainty in Richard’s tone and decided the boy knew his mom would be plenty mad. “She and I will work something out so you can visit me regularly.” He lifted the saddle off of the horse’s back.

  “When?”

  “Soon.” If he could find the energy for it. Lately everything felt hard—too hard to tend to correctly. His teammates back in the service would have cussed him out for the way he was behaving these days, but he couldn’t seem to care enough to get on top of it. Today, for example, he was supposed to ride with Mason to look over some cattle, but when he dragged himself off the couch this morning he couldn’t make his feet go in the direction of the Hall. Instead, like usual, they directed him to the stables. Riding was the only thing that helped calm his mind. Otherwise he was tortured with images of Donovan’s vacant stare—his bullet-ridden body. He saw the streets of Kabul, heard the rattle of gunfire. Smelled the blood and piss and shit and—

  God, when would it end?

  “Dad? Dad!”

  Richard’s words penetrated the fog of his brain.

  “Dad! I saw an obstacle course in the woods. Can I try it? Will you go with me?”

  Obstacle course? Sure, he could do that. Suddenly he was back on solid ground, back in the present. His hand on the horse’s warm flank and the smells of the stable reminded Austin he was home. Safe. “Go on and take a look while I finish up, but hold off running it until I get there. Got it?”

  “Got it!” Richard was off like a shot. Austin rubbed down his mount and returned him to his stall before following more slowly.

  When he reached the course, Richard was circling the monkey bars. “I checked it all out—it’s so cool! I want to do the balance beam! How’d all this stuff get here?”

  “My father built it. Your granddad.”

  “Granddad?” Richard lit up. “Where is he? I don’t have a granddad.”

  “He passed away a long time ago, unfortunately. But my mom is still alive—your grandma. You’ll meet her soon.”

  Richard’s disappointment was plain to see, but at the news his grandmother was still alive he brightened again. “Is she a good cook?”

  “The best. She’s a terrific horsewoman, too.”

  “Cool,” Richard pronounced.

  “I bet you know how to do these,” Austin said, putting a hand on one upright of the closest monkey bar apparatus.

  “Everyone knows how to do them. I’m pretty fast, too.”

  “As fast as me?”

  Richard cocked his head. “Maybe.” He didn’t sound sure.

  “Let’s give it a try.” Austin showed Richard where to stand and counted down to a start. He held back a little, letting Richard get a feel for the height and spacing of the bars. “Pretty good. Let’s try again. This time we’ll race.”

  “Okay.” Richard hopped down and ran back to the beginning. Austin followed, counted down again and this time sprang for the bars at his normal pace and jumped off the end before Richard was halfway through.

  “Wow, you are fast!” Richard said. He pointed to the climbing wall. “How do you get over that?”

  “That’s one of the hardest parts of the course. You’re lucky you’re so tall. When my dad first built it, none of us boys were tall enough to jump up and reach the top. We had to help each other over and Dad’s rule was if someone helped you, you had to help them and then wait to run on until both of you were ready. It bugged the crap out of us.”

  “Mom doesn’t like it when I say crap,” Richard said matter-of-factly.

  “No, I suppose she doesn’t.” Austin chuckled. “All right. Watch me do it.”

  He ran for the wall, jumped up, grabbed the top and easily swung himself over it in one fluid motion. When he came back around, Richard’s eyes were wide. “I don’t think I can do that.”

  “Not at first, but you’ll get it. Give it a try.”

  Richard’s first try was a disaster and his second little better, but on his third attempt he managed to grab the top of the wall and scrabble ungracefully over it. They moved on to race through the tires Austin’s father had pounded into the ground, and then army crawl under lengths of barbed wire. Richard looked like he was in heaven as he tried each obstacle, and why wouldn’t he? Austin remembered how much he and his brothers had loved the course.

  “Boys need obstacles,” Aaron Hall always said. “That’s what makes them men.”

  Richard had chatted excitedly about the balance beams throughout the process and when they finally got there he proved very agile at them. He ran right up the incline that led up to the huge log that made up his beam, and practically danced across it to the other side. Austin kept pace with him in case he fell, but Richard seemed in no danger of that. Pride swelled Austin’s chest. That was his boy walking across that high beam. His son.

  Donovan’s face flashed into his mind. Austin came to a halt.

  “What’s that?” Richard shouted, running ahead after climbing down from the beam.

  “A salmon ladder,” Austin said absently. The whole time they’d been doing the obstacle course he’d forgotten all about Donovan. His friend would never get to feel this kind of pride in a son. That had been robbed from him along with the rest of his future.

  “How does it work?” Richard jumped up to grab the metal bar that rested in a set of brackets attached to two straight, closely spaced pines. He tried a chin up. Austin shook his head, realizing he couldn’t puzzle out if it was right or wrong to focus on the boy to the exclusion of his friend’s memory. He could only do one thing at a time, and right now he had to pay attention to Richard.

  “Let me show you.”

  Richard jumped down again and backed away. Austin leaped up lightly to grab the bar, did a chin up, swung his legs and popped up with enough strength to move the metal bar up to the second set of brackets. He did another chin up and popped the bar up again, continuing on until he reached the top.

  When he jumped down again, Richard was clearly in awe.

  “No way I can do that.”

  “You’ll have to learn if you want to race me.”

  “But that’ll take ages! I’ll just skip that one.”

  “There’s no skipping—if you can’t do the ladder, you can do thirty chin ups instead.”

  “It’ll take me twice as long to do that than it took you to do the ladder!”

  “Better learn to do the ladder then.”

  “But I won’t be able to beat you!” Richard was becoming upset. His cheeks were flushed and his hands balled into fists.

  “Probably
not.” Austin remained calm in the face of Richard’s rising anger.

  “Then what’s the point?”

  “The point is to keep trying until you can beat me. Why don’t you try some chin ups right now?” Austin could swear he’d had exactly the same conversation with his own father some twenty-odd years ago. He remembered feeling about as frustrated as Richard looked.

  “No.”

  Austin blinked. “What do you mean no?”

  “It’s not fair! It’s stupid! Both people should be able to win.”

  “And you will in time—you just have to work for that kind of accomplishment.”

  “I don’t want to. I want to skip it!”

  “I said, do some chin ups.” Austin stepped toward Richard. Richard held his ground.

  “You can’t make me!”

  Austin’s patience vanished. “Do them. Now.”

  “I’m outta here.”

  Richard stalked off. Austin strode after him. He grabbed the boy’s bicep and spun him around. “I gave you an order.”

  Richard’s face darkened with emotion, his eyes filled with tears. Austin dropped his arm, shocked at his own behavior. What the hell was he doing? This wasn’t the Army.

  “Shit. Richard, I’m—”

  He didn’t have a chance to finish his sentence before Richard turned and sprinted away. By the time Austin cleared the woods, the boy was already pedaling his bike up the driveway to the road. Austin let him go.

  Richard was better off without him.

  * * *

  “Uh oh,” Regan said when a banged up black GMC truck pulled into the Hall’s driveway. “Isn’t that Heather, Richard’s mom?”

  Ella shook her head. Since she’d never seen the woman, she didn’t know. “Whoever she is, she looks pissed.”

  They were sitting on the front porch of the Hall going over the catering menu Camila had dropped by to pick out dishes to serve at the ceremony. Growing more and more uncomfortable with the upcoming event, Ella had longed for a diversion, but this wasn’t what she had in mind.